at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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