Need sex. Gaining weight.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
