He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
