Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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