She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
