my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
