I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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