Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone signed my nipple.
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