Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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