sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
vagina is talking i cant
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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