She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
