physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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