tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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