why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
