So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
