Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
