So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
