What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
