I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
