shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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