Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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