I heard we made out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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