Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
