I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
