I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Two words: blizzard sex
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
