Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize