i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
