I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
