Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
