using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
