I hope mine doesn't look like that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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