I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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