Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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