i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
