areolas are like halos for boobs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
