he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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