my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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