Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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