remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
