I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize