Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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