He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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