Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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