I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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