Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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