Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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