Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I supernannyed him into submission
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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