Michael Bay diarrhea
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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