And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sober January is a disaster.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
