Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
