you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
