I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
