Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just cropdusted the office
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
