i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
