i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
