Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
