I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize