This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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