I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
