Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
