Im at strip club and am horny
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
