Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
