What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize