I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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