i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
