no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
