Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
