I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
