So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
