guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
