p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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