Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
