You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
this hospital has no fireball
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
