Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
