I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
