yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
