Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
