Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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