ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
