So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize