I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You made out with two different species that night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
