I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
