We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
