Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
