i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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