Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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