I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
