dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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