Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
