I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
