Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So vagazzling was a success
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
