all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
