i think my tv is drunk
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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