He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
