I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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