people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How external is "for external use only"?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
