I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
