A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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