i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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