i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
