I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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