Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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