Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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