Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize