i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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