somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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