So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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